tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 16, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT
bucket for a banking giant that reported more than $13 billion in profit last year. in fact, news of the settlement pushed goldman shares up 5%. that amended more to the value of the firm than the entire settlement amount. so, tonight, we wanted to ask you, in the wake of the financial crisis, is this record settlement enough? or did goldman get off easy here? tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or at the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that is our report for tonight. i'm terry moran. for cynthia mcfadden, martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. from the new movie "twilight: eclipse," nikki reed is here. we have music from the-dream. and kevin james is with us to do battle with our fearsome security twosome. tug!
and here we go. look at this. yeah. there's going to be some serious tugging on tonight's show. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes. yalty program. well, how far away is it? okay, we take a train 40 miles to a dude ranch where we pick up a couple of horses that we ride to a nearby river. then we canoe upstream to a helicopter that takes us to the conference. or we could book with hotels.com and stay closer. see, with welcomerewards, no matter where you accumulate 10 nights, you get a free one. huh. smarter. [ male announcer ] accumulate 10 nights and get a night free. welcomerewards from hotels.com. smart. so smart. like the new double bacon & cheese omelet sandwich! they're all new. toasty, tasty, and made to your order.
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here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. please, find your seats. the presentation is about to begin. at midnight tonight, a few minutes ago, for those watching at home, the third movie in the "twilight" series premiered. thousands of fans were lined up. if you want to sneak into your teenage daughter's room to read her diary, tonight is the night. it already set a record for advance ticket sales. i saw the movie already. spoiler alert. taylor takes his shirt off in this one. [ cheers and applause ] i wonder -- i wonder how much they would make if they just made a movie called "taylor takes his shirt off."
$120 million. and then the sequel, "taylor takes his pants off," in 3d, right? could beat "avatar," right? exciting world cup action this morning, japan versus paraguay. 90 minutes, no one scored. so they sent it to overtime. another 30 minutes, no one scored. if i want to watch two hours of nobody scoring, i'll pop in the video from my prom. [ applause ] eventually paraguay won, 5-3, on penalty kicks. you know what that -- it's a great way to trivialize everything that happened. like if the nba instead of playing game seven, had the lakers and celtics settle it with pop a shot. it's ridiculous. in case you didn't see the exciting match between paraguay and japan, here was the highlight. it's our world cup play of the day.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: when does football come back? the head of the governing body for soccer, fifa, they finally apologized for some of the terrible officiating that's been going on. spe sichic they apologized for an english goal that was withdrawn and then a goal by argentina that was unfairly awarded against mexico. the refs from those matches have been sent home. that's what you get for hiring the guys at the foot locker. they're not real. fifa said they will now study the possibility of using instant replay in the future. they've been against that. and they've acknowledged that there might be something wrong with the official world cup ball. they denied that there was something wrong before the cup began. many players, though, they said
it reminds them of a cheap supermarket ball. it flies too easy through the air and behaves unpredictably. and i agree, it's unpredictable. i don't know a lot about soccer, but watch very closely here. this is from the netherlands/slovakia game yesterday. you see, the ball actually ran away on human baby legs. [ applause ] which is -- unorthodox. hey, this was a bit of a surprise today. larry king announced via twitter which is all the rage with kids his age these days, that after 25 years, he will step away from "larry king live" on cnn to fight full-time in the ufc. so that's -- [ laughter ] you can't dabble in it. it has to be your life. you have to commit. larry said, seriously, he wants to spend more time with his wife and kids, so, that will fix her. larry's going to leave the show this fall.
which, i think, makes my uncle frank the oldest living person on tv, right uncle frank? congratulations. [ applause ] there was a story in the paper today that said a lot of steps cities across the country are canceling their annual fireworks displays because of budget shortages. they literally don't have money to burn this year, and so they're not. and i don't like that. i think -- we should have fireworks on the fourth of july. we certainly need fireworks more than we need meter maids. right? i mean -- get rid a couple of them. uncle frank always gave me some important advice. what do you always say? >> i forgot. >> jimmy: never forget, right? no, that wasn't it. safety -- >> oh, safety first. >> jimmy: safety first, that's right. so -- [ applause ] safety always comes first. with a word about fireworks safety, here's uncle frank.
>> i was a police officer in the '50s, and i had to deal with incidents because of fireworks. there was calm before the fireworks. when they erupted, it gets the adrenaline up of the humans and whatever animals around, it could be dogs and cats or parrots, even, they get excited, and everybody gets in chaos. we don't need noise. if you can invent a firework that doesn't make noise, i'm for it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: good, all right. i think they have those. they're called stars, uncle frank. today was day two of the supreme court confirmation hearings for elena kagan. this is where the senate goes into excruciating detail about pretty much every decision she's ever made. and you can see here, the monotony is starting to take its toll on one senator al franken. >> what i've learned most is
that no one has a monopoly on truth or wisdom. i've learned that we make progress by listening to each other. >> jimmy: this is -- [ laughter ] this is why i left "saturday night live?" please. somebody please put poison in my drink. hey, speaking of that, it's day 71 of the oil spill now in the gulf of mexico. they just did a poll that says only 6% of americans have a favorable view of bp. to which i say, 6% of americans have a favorable view of bp? that's 18 million people. is it possible that 18 million americans don't know what the word favorable means? because who are these 6%? yeah, i know they destroyed the ocean, but i like them. bp is running with this, i guess. apparently they have a magazine called "planet bp," their company newsletter, and there's an article that says most gulf residents aren't upset with bp because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy.
so -- thanks, i guess, right? [ laughter ] bp taking credit for boosting the economy in the gulf is like al qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security. [ applause ] it's -- but they are doing anything they can -- [ applause ] to focus on the positive, and to get us focused on positives, too. >> at bp, we create the spills that put america back to work. our environmental catastrophes help fill restaurants and hotels with cleanup workers and desperate government officials. we create thousands of new jobs, from picking up tar balls to scraping oily crap off pelicans to creating bull [ bleep ] propaganda, like this ad. and these economic benefits are here to stay, because once we start a spill, we don't have any idea how to stop it. we're bp.
putting america back to work. cleaning up our [ bleep ]. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, bp, we can't stay mad at you. congratulations to megan fox and brian austin green who got married -- let me rephrase that. congratulations to brian austin green who got married to megan fox, which is the greatest accomplishment by a "90210" cast member ever. they got married in hawaii late last week and yet we're just hearing about it today. thanks for nothing, twitter. i have to admit, megan green doesn't sound as, like, as hot as megan fox. she sounds like a realtor now. meanwhile, sandra bullock's publicist confirmed that she and jesse james are officially divorced. it was finalized in texas last week. i guess something happened between them. i'm not sure what. all i know is that jesse just popped up on j-date, so -- i want to try something fun tonight. why shouldn't the show be fun?
we're going to play a game with a couple of our home viewers on skype. skype is great. you can actually, like, see people while you're talking to them. ring them up first. our contestants, from sacramento, leslie, a fourth grade teacher there. hello, leslie. how are you? >> wonderful. so excited to get this started. >> jimmy: excellent. and from seattle, washington, cory, who is a college student there. where do you go to college, cory? >> university of washington. >> jimmy: all right. now, the first thing i'm going to need you to do is take off all your clothes. just kidding. this is kind of a combination of a scavenger hunt and "let's make a deal." i'm going to name an object, and your job is to find that object and be the first one to show it to us. all right? are you ready? okay. $100 to whomever comes back first with a pair of women's
underwear. all right? go. now -- there we go. oh, look at that. wait a minute. cory -- are those women's underwear, cory? >> i think so. >> jimmy: hold them up so we can really see them. whose are those, cory? >> they would be my mom's. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now that's -- all right. she must -- she must be delighted now. was this your first time going through your mother's underwear drawer? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. let's do it again. $200 for a pair of men's underwear. all right. men's -- go leslie. go! leslie, again, is a fourth grade teacher, so -- wow.
wait a minute. wait, who -- leslie, where did you get those underwear? >> it certainly wasn't from my principal. >> jimmy: you got them from someone standing by -- did he take them much? >> my fourth grade students are watching. >> jimmy: there's a man standing by with underwear in his hand? >> jimmy, i got to stay g-rated. i'm a fourth grade teacher. >> jimmy: you are, with a naked man to your right. all right, so -- leslie, one more thing. this is complicated. $500 to bring back an embarrassing picture of yourself. and whoever has the more embarrassing picture will win. but go as fast as you can. looking for the kind of thing you wouldn't put on facebook, all right? i don't know if you have it on your phone, or under your bed
or -- oh, wow, that was -- cory is back quickly. cory? why are you back so fast, cory? >> i'm using the camera on this web cam. >> jimmy: you what? >> i'm using the camera on this web cam. >> jimmy: oh, i see, so, you have the picture on the computer. wait a minute. leslie, hold that up, let's see what it is. no, no, you -- so we can see it. not so the naked guy can see it. what is that? >> that is me getting myself a coffee mask in the shower. >> jimmy: who took that picture? all right, well, that's good, leslie. all right. well, thanks, guys. cory and leslie, everybody. from seattle and sacramento. i really hope -- i hope some of the fourth graders got to see that. one more thing. this is very odd. i think the people at "jeopardy" have been getting bored since alex trebek's mustache fell off.
you know. normally he reads the answers on the show and the contestants give the questions. but lately they have a category called "auto tune" where they auto tune alex's voice. >> auto tune $800. ♪ when israel was in egypt land ♪ ♪ let my people go ♪ oppressed so hard ♪ they could not stand ♪ let my people go ♪ >> joey? >> what is "go down moses." >> you are right. >> jimmy: what? i don't know what's going on on "jeopardy." here's another one. see if you know the answer to this. >> auto tune for $1,000. ♪ hey girl ♪ what it is ♪ should i take you back to my crib ♪ ♪ and take your mother [ bleep ] shirt off ♪ ♪ shirt off >> paul? >> what is "o susanna?" >> no. >> jimmy: no that's not "o
susanna." we have a great show for you tonight. nikki reed is here. music from the-dream. and we'll be right back with kevin james, so stick around. ♪ hi, you ready to order? [ indistinct conversations ] uh, yohoo?! sorry, big win tonight. [ sizzling, conversations stop ] thanks steve. [ sizzling ] works every time. we'll have that. [ male announcer ] come to applebee's today for new sizzling entrees starting at $8.99. try the spicy asian shrimp, steak and cheese, or chicken with queso blanco from only $8.99! fresh flavor never sounded so good.
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stage. tomorrow night, marissa tomei, peter facinelli and 3 oh 3 will be with us. so please join us, too. our first guest tonight is an inspiration to package delivery men and shopping center security guards around the world. his new movie has already earned more than $45 million, it's called "grown ups." >> eric, hon. it's your mom. >> oh, my god. eric -- are you all right? oh, my god. stay on the duck! stay on the duck. what is happening? oh, hon. >> hello, mommy. >> jimmy: please say hello to everyone's pal kevin james! [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: very good to see you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that was -- can i tell you something? i don't want to dominate your interview, but that happened at my house when i was a kid. >> jimmy: you broke a pool? >> i didn't. my dad and my grandfather, they bought a pool used in the nifty nickel and they set it up, filled it up with water, got in, and it devastated like seven yards, all the way down the block. >> that's a flooding that will go for awhile. >> jimmy: my dad was very pleased to use the insurance, but yeah, that's not good. it did happen. true story. not that interesting, but true. how are you? >> i'm going to mull that over tonight. >> jimmy: think about it. the movie is very real. >> life imitating art. >> jimmy: it seems to me, and correct me if i'm wrong, but you guys, you and your buddies, sandler, rock, schneider, spade, really just went on summer vacation and shot a movie while you were doing it. >> it really is. we all went with our families,
and it was a blast. and then we ended up at a water park and it was a little embarrassing, because it's five guys in their 40s and nobody in the movie wanted to take their shirts off. you're at a water park. the director was like, nobody is going to take a shirt off? we all had different reasons. i'm out of shape, so i was like, i don't feel good doing that. and i think -- i didn't know this. spade only has one nipple. i didn't know that. >> jimmy: is that right? >> and oddly enough, schneider, six. two rows of three. like a mother pig. >> jimmy: what was sandler's excuse? >> he has a lot of chest hair that i didn't know about. but it is all straight. it just lays straight, which was very odd. >> jimmy: really? does he use one of those flat irons or something? >> i don't know. just tons of hair and very straight. it is odd. like you're parting curtains or something. >> jimmy: chris rock appears to be in good shape.
>> he is, if you're a thermometer. you know -- sorry. he was actually in the best shape. he was -- i think, by default, though. he weighs 35 pounds. >> jimmy: i don't want to give people the wrong idea, because you don't just hang around with celebrities. you have -- would you call them a posse? >> you know what it is? when you get megasuccessful, like, i'm talking about "paul blart mall cop" successful, you tend to get a lot of hangers-on. people want to be around you. it's understandable. they were hollywood types, and this is not who i am. it's not who i am, i wanted to change that, have people -- >> jimmy: you brought your friends to the show. >> yeah, i bring them with me whereever i am. >> jimmy: they are actually back stage right now. there they are. >> there they are. >> jimmy: all right. so, tell us -- these are your friends? >> yeah. madison is the big one. that's toby, the girl there, the
other girl, and jason is the little one, and spider-man. >> jimmy: that's -- i didn't know you were a friend of spider-man. >> we go back. since junior high. >> jimmy: wow, that is a long time. before the spider bit him. >> yeah, much before then. i knew all the spidermens. >> jimmy: this is something else that i really can't believe i didn't know this about you, because we know each other fairly well, but i had no idea that you're from, a famous family, that you have, you know, famous -- >> oh, yeah. how do you not know that, by the way? >> jimmy: i didn't know it until today. >> i always thought -- >> jimmy: you brought the pictures along. >> it's obvious because of the name, number one. that would give it away, and our similarities. >> jimmy: it's a little bit surprising. here you are. this is childhood photo. >> yeah, lebron james is my half brother. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: this is your sister? >> that's my sister leslie in the middle. that's me on the right there, there am i. >> jimmy: school photo of you --
>> and there's lebron. >> jimmy: this is -- this is cute. this is -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: what year was this? >> that's when things started changing. getting weird in the house and stuff, and -- we started going our different ways and we wouldn't talk as much. he was getting pissed about being in the upper bunk. he didn't like that anymore. >> jimmy: that does happen. >> yeah, so, you know, it was -- >> jimmy: you must be very proud of him. >> i am proud. he's doing well. >> jimmy: and he of you, of course. >> he should be, i think, i mean -- >> jimmy: one would think so. certainly. >> we're built differently. we just took different paths. he's built for dunking and shooting on the outside and i'm built for boxing out and wheezing. >> jimmy: everybody is wondering where lebron is going to wind up. you've been shooting a movie in chicago. >> in chicago now. >> jimmy: by the way, i would weigh 485 pounds if i lived in chicago. >> not kidding. i said, this movie, first of all, this is what pisses me off, people put on weight for a movie, i've done that for every
movie i've ever done so it's nothing special. this is a good movie, i'm going to take it down and i want to be different. and i can't do it. chicago is the greatest food in the world. i'm from new york, i love the food in new york, don't get me wrong. chicago is insane. >> jimmy: especially because it's like a whole different thing. the deep dish pizza. >> it's not pizza -- that's the one thing. that's the one thing. i'm from new york and new york pizza is completely different -- deep dish is -- it's -- it can be called cake, though, something else. it's bread and cheese, sauce, all good sauce. but it's not pizza. >> jimmy: it's a bucket of pizza. >> the ingredients. >> jimmy: it's good, though. >> it's nasty good. >> jimmy: the hot dogs with the salads. >> hot peppers -- >> jimmy: the polish sausage. >> oh, mother yeah. yeah. no, it's good. [ applause ] no, it's good. crazy stuff. >> jimmy: i don't want to get you into a lather, but one more thing at you. italian beef. >> the dip sandwich.
double dip it with the cheese and the hot pepper. i have to go eat. it's insane. >> jimmy: you look at it, you go, i can't believe this is all going to be in me. >> and then come out of me. >> jimmy: yeah. and back in me again. >> it's a cycle of life. >> jimmy: it really is. hakuna matata. >> that's what they meant, and that's what the song was basically based on. >> jimmy: this is going to sound dumb, and it is dumb, but we were taking, and we were talking about doing something, but that's besides the point. we were talking about -- we and you played softball together, and you are very good. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: and i was telling someone that i think that you and i, two on two, could beat two wnba players, which i know is ridiculous. but -- it became a whole conversation, and then i was -- we have, now, don't get me wrong, we have -- our security team is one of the best security teams in the world, just, i mean, take a look. and -- it's an intimidating force. now -- [ applause ] i was saying the other day --
just by way of an example, i think you could -- if -- if, for instance, we had, like, say -- >> guy on the right is eyeing me. >> jimmy: a rope -- that's ricky. if we had a rope -- these are the people that protect my life every day. you could beat both of our security guards in a tug of war. maybe even all of our security guards, but some of them are too fragile. would you be willing to compete with them? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: that would be great. here's the gloves. you put those on. let's get ricky and adolina up there. and they are wearing gloves, as well. you go on this side. that's ricky, that's adolina. >> nice to see you. >> jimmy: these, again, are the people that protect me. if anybody is looking to kill me, no problem. okay, so, we're going to -- that thing goes in the middle. >> right. >> they got both sides, so they
won. >> jimmy: you can see, we also have some other problems, as well, but -- okay. this is exciting. and remember, kevin, i'm counting on you, because i got in an argument. wrap up real tight and -- you guys wrap up, too. ricky, you got that thing? ricky? you know what to do, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know what to do? what are you going to do? >> i got it. >> we're going to win. >> we're going to pull. we're going to win. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right. are you ready? on your marks? >> wait a second. she's -- she allowed on the carpet? >> jimmy: oh. >> oh, oh, little carpet. what is that? >> jimmy: on your marks. get set -- tug! and here we go. look at this.
oh, here he comes! oh, my goodness. >> i need some help, man. i need a little help. here we go. all right, here we go. here we go. on your marks -- get set -- i forgot your best friend was here. tug! tug! all right, well -- beautifully done. kevin james, everybody. "grown ups" is in theaters now. thank you, ricky and adolina. and thanks to -- >> wow. >> jimmy: we'll be right back.
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>> jimmy: hi there. still to come, music from the-dream. right now, at midnight movie screenings around the country, thousands of teenage girls and their secretly excited moments are screaming at the top of their lungs watching our next guest as the vampire rosalie in "the twilight saga eclipse." please say hello to nikki reed. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you smell very good. >> i do? >> jimmy: really good, yeah. >> wow. must be hair spray or something. >> jimmy: it smells good. >> i'm sorry. i didn't smell you. we can do that again. >> jimmy: i'm not saying you should say that. i probably don't. i don't know. >> just being diplomatic. >> jimmy: it nice of you to offer that. you could have just lied and said it, but -- >> sorry. >> jimmy: not like they're going to investigate.
should we start over? >> no. >> jimmy: just say you smell really good. >> oh, my god, you smell really good. >> jimmy: thank you. and we'll just edit that. >> and my dress is really short. >> jimmy: it is. thank you for -- >> i just figured that out. i didn't do, like, a test trial. >> jimmy: would you like a towel? >> i don't know. do i need one? >> jimmy: i think they would say no, probably, regardless. you're fine. >> oh, right. okay. >> jimmy: i notice that you are tan and your costar elizabeth reaser was here, and she said you got in trouble -- >> i'm always in trouble for being tan. from the moment i was born. i was in trouble for being tan. i don't know what's happening with this -- >> jimmy: the producers -- they call and yell at you -- >> it's a good word. >> jimmy: you can't take the color off. >> yes, you can. >> jimmy: you're doing it too hard.
you can actually scrub -- they scrub you? >> i was in greece for the summer right before we went back to shoot -- >> jimmy: the country or actual grease? because that might be what i'm smelling, and it's good. >> i was in the country. >> jimmy: i remember you going on that trip. >> that was another -- i frequent -- apparently -- last summer, i was also in greece and i was learning how to water ski. but i didn't see you then. i saw you before switzerland and i was snow skiing. >> jimmy: you were headed to europe with no plan. were you going by yourself? was that the thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: no plan, no reservations. >> i was going to go with my family, and i sort of bailed on them. >> jimmy: you left without them? >> well, they were going to meet me, and then they didn't show up. >> jimmy: well, they bailed on you, then. i have news for you. why didn't they show up? >> well, i get to sit here and tell the story. i bailed on them. yeah, i don't know, just plans got mixed up. my brother decided to take the ticket that i bought him to go to switzerland and greece and he
moved to brazil. he just got back three weeks ago and speaks portuguese. and i went to greece and i was learning greek. i went to switzerland, i learned how to ski with this instructor named gisele. didn't speak any english. >> jimmy: that was your first time skiing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: were you good at it? >> yeah. i have this thing -- there's something in my brain -- i'm not afraid of anything, at least, like, falling on my face in the snow and stuff. snow is -- >> jimmy: you're a vampire. why would you be scared? as a vampire, you have nothing to fear. >> right now, i'm tan. i'm not a vampire. >> jimmy: you got up there, you were good at it -- >> i was decent. and then i had to, like, lie and say that i had skied before, because people thought i was a liar, so i lied to not be a liar or something. >> jimmy: because your skiing was so good, people doubted that you are -- >> i wasn't like wonder woman on
the slopes, like -- >> jimmy: wonder woman skis? i didn't know that. in her invisible plane on the slopes. are you an athletic person in general? >> i think so. well, i quit smoking a year ago, actually, july 5th is, like, my one year. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's good. >> it's really exciting, actually. i'm probably the most proud of that -- >> jimmy: how are you going to light the sparklers now on independence day? what are you going to use? >> yeah, so, i became more athletic after. >> jimmy: doing what? what sorts of sports? >> a lot of water sports. i surf. i water ski. i box. i apparently now i snow ski. now i feel like i have to say snow ski. >> jimmy: well, there is water skiing and there is snow skiing. >> nothing on a snowboard, though. for some reason it doesn't make sense. >> jimmy: you say you're boxing now. would you like the opportunity to punch me in the stomach? because i can take a punch.
i can. >> why are you guys encouraging this? [ applause ] >> jimmy: they've been hoping to do the same thing. punch me in the stomach as hard as you can. hit me right there. >> while i'm sitting here? >> jimmy: no, stand up. give me a shot. >> wait. we're really going to do this right now? >> jimmy: no, you are. >> i have to put my hair back and stuff. >> jimmy: however you normally do it. don't punch me there because i'll throw up on you. >> that's not a fair request. because that's like a down, then, i mean, i would have to sit and punch -- this doesn't make sense -- >> jimmy: you can punch -- >> let's just hug it out and comment on how good we smell. >> he smells really good. >> jimmy: that's really nice of you to say. i'm worried that you're tricking me and you're going to give me a shot when i'm not expecting that. >> i wouldn't do that. i feel like i'm going to get sued. that's why. >> jimmy: you won't. punch me in the stomach as hard as you can. >> medium. >> jimmy: hard as you can.
right there. come on. that's like punching a horse. >> i don't want to play this game. >> jimmy: well -- [ applause ] >> this reminds me of being a little kid with my brother and -- >> jimmy: will you take me to the hospital? >> am i in trouble? >> jimmy: i'm fine. >> i didn't give you, like, a full-on -- >> jimmy: give me one as hard as you can. >> sit down! don't do that. >> jimmy: well, i -- i don't think we need to tell people because everyone knows that "twilight" is in theaters now and, it's time to go see it. you have to work on the next one. >> yeah. >> jimmy: great to see you. are you taking a trip after this? >> i'm going to london, new york, straight to shreveport to shoot a movie i'm doing with bruce willis. >> jimmy: congratulations. nikki reed, everybody. "twilight eclipse" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with the-dream. hi, ready to order?
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